So usually it takes me around 2 minutes to think about what I want to write, and then I start splurging everything out that comes into my head… well today, I can’t do that. I have literally been a mute all day just because I can’t be bothered to live the exact same day again, this is 28th time I’ve lived this same day now. It may see dramatic but I am strug-city right now! Yes obviously slight things are different, I did a different workout or I ate something different or I took Lola on a walk but in the opposite direction. I’m so fed up. So I decided to be a grumpy mute, I do feel sorry for Zac since he’s had to see my grumpy face all day. I can’t help it though, he has his days too, he does understand (He told me that).
I think today I’ve been pushed over the edge, it’s basically been a whole month of seeing Lola, Bella and Zeus’s face’s and needs’ and it’s too much for me. To be honest, I’m not an ‘animal lover’, I’m a fan of them, I think they’re cute, and of course I love my own pets and would never let anything happen to them BUT I have now been pushed to the edge so much so, I actually fell over the edge. Usually, in normal day to day life, I see the animals for a few hours in the morning, a few hours in the evening and a little around lunch time and that’s grand, we have a great time. However, now it’s 24 hours a day, everyday and Zac has basically got his way with most things to do with them. He is a major animal lover as I’ve said before and he lets the pets get away with everything! He wants to sleep with them in OUR bed EVERY NIGHT! He feeds them while at the dinner table! He makes sure we play with them and they don’t get bored for at most 1 second because god forbid! And me, I abide by everything, or most things he wants because it makes him happy and that’s something that I’ve come to terms with and just accepted it because I want to be with him.
Now, since this virus situation began its conquest to try and ruin many people’s lives, the non-animal lover inside of me started emerging and I really wish a few things would change. I am finding this situation difficult already with the lack of gym and still eating causing me to feel so uncomfortable in myself it hurts, not socialising or doing normal day to day things, while everyone else (who I know of) in the world is getting on with their normal exciting or boring (not currently as boring as mine) lives! Hence, why this animal thing has pushed, actually no, shoved me over the edge today, I’ve literally felt numb. I’m not happy, I don’t want my cat to piss all over my bed sheets when I’m not looking (BOTH BEDS!!!), I don’t want my fiancée to constantly speak to our dogs while having dinner at the table, I want to have a conversation. I also don’t want him to sleep with our dog instead of me… how sad is that. I want to be able to finally sit down and watch one episode of something after a day of walking, feeding and playing with the dogs but no, I can’t do that because they constantly need playing with. I just need a break from it all so I can spend some time alone with the only other human I live with, to feel a little bit normal and not like we live in a civil household representing the RSPCA.
So let’s just hold up a sec, before anyone thinks anything, Zac knows about my feelings that have surfaced today, I also explained to him that I’ve accepted it because he wants it (I do want it at times, just not as much). Yes, we did get the animals together and it’s lovely but usually I would have a lot more restrictions or I would have a lot more time away from them (being with other humans). I’m only venting just to get it out. I’ll probably have a different mindset tomorrow and love them like my children again. For today, that’s where I stand and thank god Zac accepts the fact that I’m not an animal enthusiast and I look past a lot for him. Although, at some point I do think there needs to be a compromise on not sleeping with the bloody dog every night! Zac is very much also struggling too, probably the reason why I’ve withheld myself for a whole month of saying anything about the topic but I just can’t anymore. It needed to be known. Thankfully, Zac is a very caring and loving man and has listened to me!
The darling that he is, has offered to take them off my hands for a couple of days which is very nice of him. Helps a lot! It still won’t change the way I feel about myself and that won’t change until this isolation is over, when I can get back to a normal active routine. You may say, just go for a walk and you’re doing your workouts… it’s not the same! I am a very very active person and as I said yesterday I’m never usually in the house! So it is tough, hopefully only 2 more weeks of this ridiculous situation and then it’ll be back to normal, I’m actually praying!
On the other hand, I am currently very hormonal so that’s probably got something to do with the grumpy mute thing. I can’t help it. Shoot me.
Apologies for the venting/complaining but I had to get it out! I’ll change my tune soon-ish! Zac is being great with me and does understand that we’re not the same person when it comes to animals. Thank gawd!!
Tone & Travel 