Category: Life

Life

How Hangry Do You Get?

Emily Short

HANGER! Wow, I don’t even know how to explain how hangry I get. Actually, I do, I’ve created a hanger-o-meter below so go have a look where you land on the scale!

Anyway, I was so hangry today. I’ll tell you the story… Okay, so Zac (my fiancé) is an EXCELLENT cook! For today’s lunch he decided to make a spaghetti bolognese (My favourite!). Bear in mind I haven’t had spaghetti bolognese for so so long so I was super excited to have this meal for lunch! Right so, it gets to lunch and I get my packed spaghetti bolognese from the fridge, sit down, try and open the Tupperware (glass) and it slides off of the table, smashes everywhere and my yummy food falls out onto the floor… OH MY GOD. I genuinely could have cried. I picked it up and put it onto a plate as I was so desperate to keep this meal sanitary to eat but guess what… there were shards of glass – big and small pieces, throughout the pasta and meat. I was picking out all of the glass still trying to save the meal I was so desperate to have. I thought I got all of the little bits, how wrong was I!?!? I picked up a fork full of the spag bol and CRUNCH! On my teeth! I had to spit it out as I didn’t want glass cutting open my organs, I wasn’t that desperate. I was so so sad, I had to give up trying to save the meal and chuck it all in the bin. Very emotional for me as food genuinely brings joy to my life.

I was not happy. Zac comes to the table with his meal (the same meal, just unsmashed with no glass) and says ‘well i could open mine just fine’, I couldn’t handle the jokes, I was fuming at how inept I was at opening a basic tupperware bowl. I just stormed off and said ‘that’s it, I’m going home’ I did have to return to work but it was a good excuse to leave and sort the dogs, I guess it made me productive in a way. I left the school whilst leaving everyone thinking I was mad at Zac as just before I left he said he’d order me food instead but i declined his offer as all I wanted was my beloved spag bol. I went to sort the dogs, fuming the whole time.

I returned to school, still angry (c’mon Emily, you should have got over it by now) but before I returned I bought an ice cream (Twister) to see if it would cheer me up and it failed. I was just so hangry at this point, I thought of any reason to blame Zac for why I was so angry but really it was serious HANGER!

I am going to apologise to Zac as soon as he finishes work. The hanger took over my personality and I turned into a hungry goblin…

This is a true visual representation of what my personality evolved into… ugly hey? That’s what hanger does to me!

Zac told me I just had to sort my hunger out and eat anything that would stop me from being hangry and see if I’m still angry after. I refused and refused but in the end I decided to order a nutritious McDonalds… Chicken Nugs, Waffle Fries and of course, a McFlurry!

As much as I hate to say this, he was right, he mostly is right… I was cured and the hangry, evil, ugly, little (big) goblin you see above disappeared.

So anyway, The Lesson: You may be hungry to such a degree that it turns you into a demon goblin and you don’t even realise it… As a result, make sure you eat whenever you need to eat otherwise you will be a meany bobeeny slaheeny grangreeny. Please check your current hanger level on the meter below to ensure no goblins appear:

China Coronavirus Life, Life, Travel

Day 52 in China during the Coronavirus

Emily Short

Well, what an infuriating day! First of all, I have to get this off of my chest… I am a Western Amazonian woman living in China. I get many stares, and the stares I can deal with. Yes, I am a foot taller than you but to me you’re a toddler, holding your actual toddler so maybe I’ll just stare right back! But, wow, the shops, it’s like I get emotionally attacked every time I go into a store… Here are some examples: 1: Clothing Stores, okay for my height I would say I’m quite a small width resulting in me fitting into size small clothing… would the Chinese shop assistants believe me? Nope, they questioned me and basically forced a LARGE into my face… not a medium but a large! How insulting! I went to the till still enraged and purchased my size SMALL top, pffft just because I don’t wear 6 month baby grows… okay a little too far, but as you can tell, it hurt my feelings. 2: Hair Salon, okay, I don’t know if anyone has noticed but Chinese hair is very different to western, it naturally has a very sleek, straight and shiny look. Well good for them, because for me, I naturally have fluffy wavy hair, a lot of westerners do… I go to get my hair cut in the salon and what do they say to me… they say ‘your hair is boring and dull, it is ugly’. Okay, you hold up there, you’re only saying that because we don’t have the same hair and you’ve never cut a western girl’s hair before. I said fine, fix it… the guy put serum on it and that was it, well done, all of my problems have been fixed. I was mucho offendido. 3: Shoe Shop, now, this is the worst one. All around the world Adidas go up to a Size UK 8 in female sneaks which is perfect because I’m a size 7 (I’m tall, that’s appropriate feet size so I don’t fall over)… well not in China, apparently they only go up to a size 5 for women. I was unaware of this until today, I asked for a Size 7 in a female trainer and the guy comes back out and says, ‘oh size 7s are for men only’ 😵 okay, I couldn’t, I just had to hold on before a tear fell out of my eye. This man was the height of a 10 year old and he is telling me this. Right, I don’t have a problem with heights BUT don’t tell me my shoe size is for a man and I basically have man feet. I have vowed to never shop in Adidas in China again… unless I like the clothing or a men’s shoe, meaning there is a large chance I will shop there again.

So that’s that. As you can tell, China aren’t very catering towards my height, and I know it’s not personal but it’s quite a shock to the system when you actually are the real life BFG. Anyway, rant over. What else, ohh yes, Zac was sick because he ate too much as we had an Indian! The first Indian in Guiyang!! How exciting, it was lovely, a very nice change from Chinese food. Although, I have realised that whenever I order food, I end up just saying ok ok ok as I have no idea what they’re saying to me, for all I know I could be saying Ok to something I definitely should not be saying Ok to! ALSO, I accidentally paid for someone’s shopping today. It’s so tough to know how to use self-checkout machines here as it’s all in Chinese, they ask me to use my barcode on the app as I’m thinking it’ll start scanning my items through but no. I paid for someone else’s shopping as they just left the till without paying. Only £6 but still! I could have used that £6!

Last thing, we went to decathlon today and bought LOADS of gym equipment so circuits are going to be out life now people. Our gym is still closed. At the start of this quarantine we were on a roll, that roll stopped, now we have rolls, and we have to get rolling again. The roll starts tomorrow and it will be circuits and boxing everyday/most days. This is what happens when you’re stuck in isolation for weeks and weeks and there’s no end and you see your summer body turning into your sofa 🙃 that’s all.